Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
