$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
