3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
