he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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