I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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