Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
