i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
