Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
