did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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