Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
