So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
