I wish my penis had an off switch
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
