party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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