i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
