You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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