He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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