There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
