I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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