dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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