No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
