I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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