lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
