belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
