Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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