he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
what day is it and did you see me today?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
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Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
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best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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