i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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