so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
