why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
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I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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