in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
