I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
