What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
