Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i was born a porn star she said
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
