just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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