I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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