Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
