Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
