My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Houston, we have a blender
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
