Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
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I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
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Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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