I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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