I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
