I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
