I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
