quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
