I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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