We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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