dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
