I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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