# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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