remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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