I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I checked into jail on foursquare
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize