bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
