Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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