so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
