when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
