if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
