ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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