i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
