Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
