I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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