Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
