I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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