The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
