I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize