last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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