What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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