yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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