just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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