The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So much Jack, so little girl.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
