No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
