Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
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