just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
