the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
