He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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