If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
