He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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