I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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