I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just gargled with NyQuil
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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