this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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