Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
